From The Manitoba Herald by Clive Runnels
Canadians: "Build a Damn Fence!"
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party
are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll
soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and
Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing
their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and
there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba
farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The
producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to
show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers
that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and
Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and
drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for
themselves.." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged
conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload
without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a
nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip
to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen
young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior
citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they
were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on
The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age"
an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael
Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the
Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said..
"How many art-history majors does one country need?"
AmbergrisCaye.com 
